Carta de Recursos Humanos

IMPROPER USE OF VENEZUELAN LANGUAGE

We have decided to implement a series of rules in our Venezuelan office and would expect they to be applied and it is expected that all employees immediately adhere to these rules:

1. Words like "Coño", "Carajo" and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion may get.
2. Non important matters should not be addressed as "Guevonadas".
3. You will not say "La Cagó" when someone makes a mistake or "Que Cagada", when a mayor mistake has been made is too abusive. All forms and derivatives of the word "Cagar" are inappropriate in our environment.
4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as "Falta de bolas" or "Mariconerias", nor will persons with lack of initiative be referred to as "Pendejo" or "Agueboniao"
5. No Manager or Supervisor, under any circumstances, will be referred to as "El Hijo de Puta", "Ese Cabron", "Ese Pajuo", "El Guebon", "El Marico ese" or "El Muy Coño 'e Madre".
6. When a good proposal is presented the term "Que de Pinga" or "Esta Arrechisimo" must not be used.
7. Unusual or creative brainstorming meetings will not be referred to as "Habladera de Paja" nor who presents them be addressed with the term "Habla paja".
8. Do not say "Como Jode" or "Que Ladilla" if a person is persistent or "Se jodió" if somebody is going through a difficult situation.
9. When asking someone to leave you alone, you should not say "Vete pa'l Carajo", nor will you substitute "Que Carajo Quieres?" for "May I Help You?".
10. When leaving the office, using the term "Me voy pa'l Carajo" is not proper as is "Anda que te Coja un Burro" when bidding farewell.
11. Salary increase will not be referred to as "Pedazo'e Mierda".
12. Last but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say "Me voy a limpiar el culo con esto". Just keep it clean and file it properly

Thanks for your cooperation!.